PLUTO BANDITS KIDNAP PAIR

Meet the embodiment of blind fear mixed with unwavering faith for no reason other than I told you so:

Unfortunately, although I would like nothing more than to have a frank and open exchange of ideas about this book with anyone who has more than two brain cells to rub together, I cannot review this book or say anything about it in this format out of respect for Vonnegut. Just in case (since I have a tendancy to be sarcastically flippant - a known source of mind poison to the unwary).

Therefore go out and read the book.

Or don't.

And so on.

Otto's Gnarly Snowboarder's Glossary for When You Need To Comp A Boarder's Lingo

None of them have any bindings! What the heck!

p.s. If you click on the picture it gets bigger.

Stomp that pickle revert!

I named my snowboard Blinky! The snowboard and bindings are both from Millenium Three and my new boots are Exus Thirtytwo. The thing is I was going to write a thing about snowboards or a thing about how to snowboard, etc. but I realized that I could say a lot more by giving links to things that have already been written by people who know a lot more about it than I do. I know that's not necessarily the point but there ya go.

Here is a handy guide to some snowboard language ("Phat five forty!", "I'm getting agro on this kicker!", "Stomp that pickle revert!", and the ever popular "I gotta blast a dookie!" are not on there, strange).
Here is a list of snowboarding info, I especially like the one with the little animations for beginners.
Here is a handy guide on how to buy a snowboard.
Here is an explanation of the internal anatomy of a snowboard.

And now...Pingu!
p.s. I found a Swedish version of this with subtitles. From what I understand Pingu language is gibberish so I wonder did someone sit down and guess what they were saying or is there an actual script in Pingu language that can be translated like the claymation version of Klingon? I figured it was probably the former and it was probably dirty so then I found a non-subtitled version just in case. Please forgive my skepticism of European language dubbing.

Buon Vigilia di Natale!

Happy day of "fasting" everyone! Buon Vigilia di Natale (Christmas eve)! The day before any feast day there is a traditional day of abstinance from gluttony and Vigil Mass (note the connection to Vigilia de Natale). Nowadays this is really only for Christmas eve (which makes sense because every other day is a feast day in the Catholic calendar depending on which saints you like). The 1983 Code of Canon Law eliminated true fasting, but traditional Catholics still keep the fast in spirit by eating seafood, noodles, other forms of pasta, etc. for the Christmas Eve Supper (so no "meat"). Many Italian households always prepare a certain number of fish dishes (mostly a central/southern trdaition) . Seven is most common and this usually represents the seven sacraments (but may also represent the days in a week, the seven pilgrimage churches in Rome, the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, or just about any religious-y thingy that is a multiple of seven). We don't usually trouble with that many fishes though (baccala, shrimp, and pasta with fish sugo are the staples), I think we're doing good enough just observing the fish thing. Traditions are fun.

A note on goodies: Most Italian Christmas goodies like panettone (italian version of fruitcake) or torrone (nougat) are made with nuts (especially almonds) and honey. According to folklore, to eat nuts favors the fertility of the earth and aids in the increase of wealth and prosperty (i.e. more children and animals running around=good). The honey thing goes back to ancient Rome where it was offered at this time of year so that the new year might be sweet. Those wacky peasants and their tasty theories.

And now by popular demand...The Simpsons w Polska

Oh those Polish, how they love their Simpsons. Good times! It turns out that most of The Simpsons episodes, have been "lectored" but not fully dubbed. Lectored means that it was translated entirely by one (usually male) actor instead of a cast of characters. Apparently this is very common in Poland and most Russian speaking countries. It's also called a Gavrilov translation. Neat. I tried to find a lectored clip but I have no idea if the following clip is partially legit interspersed with crazy music clips are just all crazy.

[This clip has been removed because it turns out it is highly offensive. Who knew?!]


So then I found this clip but it is confusing, it sounds like there is Polish but I can't tell what is going on. I think I'm supposed to assassinate someone now but I'm not sure whom...


Oh, but The Simpsons Movie was fully dubbed into Polish. Unfortunately I couldn't find a clip of that either but here are some guys talking about the movie:

It seems that my first escapade into Polish Simpsons has been a moderately hilarious failure. Oh well, I'll keep looking. I did find the self-proclaimed "biggest Polish Simpsons website" here.



CP sez "increase your Polish-ness", fun words to learn and know that will help to navigate the website:

Napisy = Subtitles
Obrazki = Images
Inne Obrazki = Other Images
Fan Art = Fan Art
Programy = Software
Audio = Audio
Wygaszacze = Screen Savers
Tapety = Wallpapers
Themes = Desktop Themes
Skiny = Winamp Skins
Gry = Games
Wideo = Video
Ineraktywne = Interactive

p.s. Actually I have no idea if any of this is really Polish. They said it was but I don't know. K is this actually the spider pig song: "Swinski pajak, Swinski pajak. Robi to co kazdy swinski pajak. Uwaga, to swinski pajak" ? The online translator wouldn't tell me but at least some of the words are right aren't they?
p.p.s.You know what?! I don't even believe in Poland! It's all a lie! A lie I tell you!

We're all going to archaeology hell!

That's right! Because we all forgot to celebrate the feast of Pope Saint Damasus I patron saint of archaeologists on December 11th. I'm not sure what sort of penance should be done to make up for it...40 lashes? no beer for a month? no deer for a month? feel really guilty? recant on the deathbed? Wait...some of those things are for different things. Dang what was I talking about again? Oh well. Hey, did you know that December 19th is a big day for Vietnamese saints? There are 12 saints with today as their feast day and 5 of them are Vietnamese martyrs. Curiously, all of them were strangled.
St. Augustine Moi
St. Thomas De & Companions
St. Dominic Uy
Bl. Francis Man
St. Francis Xavier Mau
Of the many other interesting saints of the day (and several uninteresting ones), I think my favorite is St.Manirus. He was a Bishop and an apostle to Scotland and he evangelized the Highlanders in the northern regions. He was revered for his kindness and goodwill. Awww. I like him because he was nice to kittens (note: may or may not be true) and he wasn't martyred (note: usually a prerequisite for sainthood).

Authors sidebar: I find delving into the lives of various saints interesting (and often comical, I know that's politically incorrect but it's true) - see my first post about saints from March. So much intrigue, violence, sacrifice, heroism, and lunacy - everything you'd want really. And while I often make light of the irony (can we say euphemism boys and girls?) inherent in many facets of religion, it is also sobering to think of the violent aspects of religious clashes through history, especially when it is brought to new lands. All the more reason to never forget the past...

And now for no reason a Simpsons clip from the Czech Republic...


p.s. there are over 100 Vietnamese martyrs (collectively known as the Martyrs of Vietnam) who were recognized by Pope John Paul II in 1988 and there are over 50 Vietnamese saints with known causes and backgrounds. Not all of them were strangled. Some were beheaded.

Deleted scenes from The Simpsons Movie...

I think it's important to barrage everyone with various Simpson-y-ness between serious (well relatively serious) posts. It makes me giggle and it takes little to no effort.

Crazy commercials for the Simpsons game...

I like this one the best:

The Chickens concert series #10: Grady and pals

An evening of blues-rock-country fun. All the better for the myriad of buddies visiting. Good times (really late times though, that's the thing I don't like about the Roxy). I liked Grady although a lot of their songs were very similar and tended to bleed into eachother. Here's Grady's website. I found a video on YouTube of the concert, not the best quality but you get the gist:

Murder City Sparrows were interesting. Almost had a little punk flavouring to it but that could just be the high pitched vocals (or the emo hair?). The base player plays a 5-string which is cool but he struck me as a bit of a tool (that could just be his schtick though). The guitar player had Guy Fawkes facial hair which you just couldn't stop looking at. He turned out to be super nice though. I bought their CD 'cause I felt a little bad for them hanging out at the merch table alone. The drummer and singer had food poisoning from the Subway across the street so they had gone back to their hotel. What troopers, playing a whole set with food poisoning! Their CD isn't half bad even. Here's the website: Murder City Sparrows. A few of their music videos are on YouTube too, here's one of them:

The Sheepdogs are a local band that I had heard of but never seen before. I liked them, they are pretty mellow but in a good way. They were probably the favorite of the evening for the group but that's probably due to the fact that they went on first and everyone was awake still. The were the most country of the three bands I think (that's why Kim like them so much). Here's a video of the Sheepdogs when they played at Louis' (I couldn't find one from this concert):

A response to "Yes I watch Bad TV"

at Procrastinating etc. Girl. That Funny or Die website is pretty amusing. I especially liked these two David Blaine parodies. Hilarious if you've ever watched any of his real street magic stuff. The guys who did it are a group called ThoseLilRabbits.
David Blaine Street Magic #1
"Quit putting stuff on our bodies!"

David Blaine Street Magic #2
"Quit putting orange soda in our mouths!"

The Chickens Concert Series #9: Tool ... No you're a tool!

Definitely an interesting concert. The tour website is here . It was more experimental/progressive than I was expecting but still awesome. The light show was trippy. The stage had an interesting setup with Keenen in the shadows in the back next to the drummer (he feels more comfortable that way). They had large screens playing videos (I hear they have it set up so that the videos play randomly so that no two shows are the same). And for one song they had a kid from the Make-a-Wish foundation on playing guitar (which I thought was very nice of them-metal guys are such softies on the inside). The Wikipedia article about them is pretty impressive. I will now filter out the interesting tidbits from said article and feed them to you coloured with my own commentary. So there.

Stats:

Tool was formed in 1990 in LA. The band consists of Danny Carey (drummer), Justin Chancellor (base), Adam Jones (guitar), and Maynard James Keenen (vocals).

Fun Facts/Musings Part 1: Damn the Crazy Religion Man

In 1993 during their Undertow tour, Tool was scheduled to play the Garden Pavilion in Hollywood. But they found out at the last minute that the Garden Pavilion is owned by the Church of Scientology. Maynard spent most of the show baa-ing like a sheep at the audience. This is, on the one hand, hilariously awesome! Learning that made me laugh until I stopped. But on the other hand it sucks for the people who just wanted to see the show. I mean, isn't it a little hypocritical of Tool to berate a group of their fans who just wanted to see them play when they themselves were playing there (if ignorance of the venue owner was their excuse I don't see why they couldn't cut their fans the same slack). Anyway, officially the band felt Scientology clashed with "the band's ethics about how a person should not follow a belief system that constricts their development as a human being". Neat. Hey you know, it kind of reminds me of that time Ashley MacIsaac played that concert where he did nothing but rant and swear at the audience for 20 minutes (Dec.31/99 in Halifax). He said it was verbal irony (Why do people always misunderstand irony when it is couched in offensive or racist satire!? Stupid %$#% literal #^&%@* jerks!). So these two cases are different because MacIsaac is intentionally using shock tactics as part of his whole thing that he has going, while Tool was voicing their opinion of a bizarre cult come disturbing pseudo-religion. But, in the end, the result is the same.

Fun Facts/Musings Part 2: Challenging the Norms

Tool has been plagued by censorship for much of their career, both for their lyrics and videos which are both often challenging and/or disturbing. Especially by that fount of cultural acceptance, MTV (insert ominous cackling here). So that's socially relevant commentary and imagery on important and difficult issues - zero; reality TV and vacuous teenage hoes - 10,000.

Some History for the Kids:

Tool dealt with multiple legal battles in the late 90's. Suits and counter-suits with their record label and ex-manager. During the delays that this prompted the band members dispersed to other projects for a while (though they didn't break up). Maynard founded A Perfect Circle. I miss them, they haven't officially disbanded or anything but they have been "working on other projects" since 2006. Oh well.

Since 2000, Tool has released 2 albums: Lateralis and 10,000 Days. At the height of the Napster controversy Tool announced the release of a fake album called Systema Encéphale and a fake track list to go with it. Needless to say Tool frowns on file sharing. Anyway, later they released Lateralis which featured, among other things, extremely long songs (they even had a 10 minute music video). After that Maynard kept up with a Perfect Circle and toured with them until the 10,000 Days tour. Whew! What a sordid little tale they have!

Compare and Contrast:

The 10,000 Days album won a Grammy for best art in February 2007 but, they lost to Wolfmother for best hard rock performance. Hmmmm...interesting reflection of Grammy biases or simple Boo-urns? You be the judge.

Artist: Tool
Album: 10,000 Days
Title: Vicarious

Artist: Wolfmother
Album: Wolfmother
Title: Woman

p.s. Here is a Dil's review of the concert. Definite tool fan!

A Chickens! Cultural Moment II: Swan Lake

The first time I have seen Swan Lake. A lovely time was had by all I think. Ballet is at once impressively athletic and beautifully artistic. I only wish there had been a live orchestra. And kudos to Denise and I for introducing ballet to some newbies. Click here for Denise's post about the delightful performance of Giselle that we went to in September. I loves me some culture.

I'm pretty sure that the following Russian cartoon from 1947 is an accurate depiction of what we saw (although some of the animals may or may not have been played by people.



p.s. A musical aside (Cara sez, "Improve your wordiness"):

Symphony = an elaborate instrumental composition in three or more movements, similar in form to a sonata but written for an orchestra and usually of far grander proportions and more varied elements. Also, a concert performed by a symphony orchestra.

Symphony or symphonic orchestra = a large orchestra composed of wind, string, and percussion instruments and organized to perform symphonic compositions.

Orchestra = a group of performers on various musical instruments, including esp. stringed instruments of the viol class, clarinets and flutes, cornets and trombones, drums, and cymbals, for playing music, as symphonies, operas, popular music, or other compositions.

Philharmonic = fond of or devoted to music; music-loving: used esp. in the name of certain musical societies that sponsor symphony orchestras (Philharmonic Societies) and hence applied to their concerts(philharmonic concerts). Also, of or presented by a symphony orchestra and/or the society sponsoring it.

The Chickens Concert Series #8: METAL!

So my first metal concert (well my second metal concert because I went to Ozzy and Rob Zombie but my first small scale metal concert and from what I understand small scale concerts are more legitimate representations of metal because they are more outsider-y). Terror and Kataklysm were OK but I liked Divine Heresy and Chimaira best so I'll talk about them. Divine Heresy was the first opening band. The Drummer (Tim Yeung) played so crazy fast it was, well, crazy. It sounds like machine gun fire! Dino Cazares (guitar) and Joe Payne (bass) signed my CD, they were all happy when I told them they were awesome. Dino said he liked my shirt. Good times!


Fun Facts about Divine Heresy:

A new band, they were formed in 2006 by Dino Cazares (born in 1966 in El Centro, CA), who has been in quite a few bands since '89, when he helped form Fear Factory under the name Ulceration, before forming Divine Heresy. He plays an 8 string guitar! EIGHT! Plus it's downtuned a step so he can play even lower - how sweet is that?! (thanks to Donaldo for the random fact). Anywho, Joe Payne was brought on for touring but Dino played bass as well as guitar on the band's first release record (Bleed the Fifth).

Chimaira [sic] (I couldn't find out why they spelled it that way) was the headliner band. I'm pretty sure the opening music was from Conan the Barbarian but I'd have to rent it to check (I'll get the lab boys on it). Apparently Chimaira has recently been rather screwed over by their (now former) record company which almost caused them to break up but it's all good now. Their new album is called Resurrection.

Sidebar: I'm pretty sure it is illegal for a metal band not to have a song called "resurrection" (or some variation thereof) and still call themselves a metal band. Go figure.

Anyway, their new album is supposed to be their most technically demanding to date. Unfortunately I'm a Chimaira newbie and ignorant of their earlier music so I didn't know what was new and what was old. I do know they played a like 20 minute long song with rambling solos for most of their encore. Great stuff. I love how you really only get things like that in metal and jazz. Everything is connected for sure.

One final note: metal album art is so cool.

p.s. To the drunk guy with too low pants sitting at the table in front of us: Tighty whities are NOT metal (I don't care how much black you are wearing on the outside). To the goths who were reservedly rocking out near the stage: I love goths, I'm always impressed by people who put that much time and effort into their appearance. Especially if it is for the purpose of freaking people out. Much better than hippies, they don't put any thought into their appearance for the same reason. Damn hippies.

Go Riders Go!

Best game ever (so far)! WooHoo! http://www.saskriders.com/














Football is pretty kickass, but everything is better with foreign Simpsons:

Dr.McNinja

So dang funny it's crazy! Home of such awesomeness as: ninjas, zombies, zombie ninjas, ninjas on fire, velociraptors, paleontologist banditos, ninjas riding velociraptors, paleontologist banditos riding velociraptors, gorilla receptionists, gorillas high fiving sharks, evil ninjas with chainsaw nunchuks, zombie Benjamin Franklin re-enacting Thriller...

Little CP (and pals) as a pirate/chipmunk:

Eeeevil!

Due to popular demand I give you...Evil Kitty Pumpkin! TaDa!



















p.s. Imagine it slightly less shriveled

THIS! IS! ...

This is for Jer...hopefully it'll take the edge off of remembering the original...

Remember Remember the Fifth of November

On November 5, 1605 Guy Fawkes was arrested for treason. The plot was discovered after an anonymous letter was left at the home of one Lord Monteagle (left apparently as a favor to some mutual acquaintances) warning him not to set foot in Parliament that day. It is quite the sordid little tale which I am not going to recount completely (there is a pretty good/short biography here). Long story short: houses were searched, Guy Fawkes alias John Johnson was discovered with some suspicious materials in his possession (Fawkes was posing as a servant under the alias John Johnson so that he could keep an eye of the gunpowder in its hiding place and later set it off). The letter had suggested that Parliament would receive a "terrible blow, yet they shall not see who hurt them". Some quick thinking (and some other stuff happened before, during, and after) and Bam! mental leap to someone is going to blow up the Parliament building with gunpowder. Since the authorities had not liked the cut of Fawkes/Johnson's jib and they hadn't found any WMDs the first time, they searched again and this time found Fawkes with the gunpowder (also, once again, some other stuff happened). Guy Fawkes was captured and tried as a traitor with his co-conspirators and found guilty for plotting against the government. After the trial he was sent to the Tower of London to await his punishment where he was subsequently tortured and starved. When it came time for the execution Fawkes was so weak from disease, etc. that he could barely make it to the gallows. Oh yeah, not only was he found guilty, he was found so guilty that he was sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered! The most horrific form of execution ever practiced in Britain (well "officially" anyway). That's uber-guilty! Pretty stiff price for a guy who didn't actually end up doing anything, on the other hand what have we seen happen to suspected "terrorists" today who really haven't even been thinking about doing anything (*cough* Bush *cough*) so maybe we haven't gotten any better. At least Fawkes was caught red handed and would have destroyed the Parliament buildings and everyone in them if he hadn't been. The papers say that his death was met with thunderous applause from the assembled unwashed masses but who knows if that's true (I hear they liked a good hanging back in they day). The following year (in 1606 for those who haven't been paying attention) it became an annual tradition/yearly custom for the King and Parliament to commission a sermon to commemorate the event, these became known as "Gunpowder Plot Sermons". This, along with the famous poem, are meant to warn people of what happens to traitors and that treason would never be forgotten. In addition, Guy Fawkes Day is commemorated with fireworks (how ironic) and bonfires culminating with the burning of effigies of Guy Fawkes. I must admit that I knew very little about Guy Fawkes (and confess to still knowing very little) and his historical context or any of the various other anthropological bric-a-brac that I should know if I really want to speak intelligently about the subject. However, I do know that without any real info, the story and poem very easily took on a revolutionary and even positive and inspiring connotation (in my mind anyway) and was not the cautionary tale to strike fear in the hearts of traitors and patriotism in the hearts of...well...patriots everywhere that it was originally intended to be. Probably because Guy Fawkes has been repeatedly romanticized in various formats from books to paintings (for me it was primarily from "V for Vendetta", I know it's not as intellectual as 18th century woodcuts or something but hey, at least it's not The Simpsons). Makes you think about the duality of such symbols, one person's cautionary example is another person's Robin Hood, as well as how stories change through time. I for one had the Robin Hood version of Fawkes in my head but you know what? Fawkes was obviously a loony (he was going to blow a bunch of people up remember and he said he would have blown himself up too if he had too, that's just crazy talk I don't care how much you romanticize it) and he was xenophobic (some people say he wasn't really a political activist he was just racist, reportedly he told King John he was planning to blow all the Scots back to Scotland) and also he was in league with the Catholic Church (yeah I know not everyone thinks that's bad) on the plot. But see, all that doesn't matter if you're in the right mindset. The "Damn the Man" and all that mindset. It reminds us that a symbol will end up being what you need it to be regardless of what the "truth" was (if there even is such a thing). I wonder what I (or you) would have thought of that poem if I (or you) just read it without any preconceived notions? Bah! Scratch that! That's impossible and it probably wouldn't make any sense anyway, such is culture I suppose.

p.s. View an old newspaper article from the time here and there is a transcript of the trial here. Also, it turns out there is a Center for Fawkesian Pursuits with a bunch of pictures, Fawkes is definitely portrayed differently in earlier vs. later depictions.