stuff that contradicts the other stuff

Brought to you by Captain McShanty's "Topic o' the Day" topical ointment and rejuvenating cream cleanser and by the Chickens! Procrastinate By Learning Foundation.

Question: What characterizes a religion? What I mean is, in a religion debate is it more important to discuss what can be determined as the "facts" of a religion ie. the widely accepted doctrine of a religion or do we consider the opinions of anyone who claims to be that religion regardless of how their beliefs coincide with the core ideas typically associated with that religion? Does any crazy whack job with crazy whack job ideas who calls himself a Christian or Muslim or Deist or whatever, have the right to call himself that because that's what he thinks he is? Who is another Christian or Muslim or Deist or whatever to say that that crazy guy is or is not what he says he is just because their belief in that religion is defined differently? I guess what I'm asking is are religions defined by their believers (even the crazy whacked out ones) or the other way around? Maybe, like most problems, it comes down to a misunderstanding of what things are or on judgments based on a misunderstanding, lack of information, or a stereotype (often all three), whether it be about religion, or a scientific concept, or a culture and not just about other peoples religions, cultures, etc. either, but one's own as well. The funny thing is people often get angrier with people of their own religion or group that they think are misrepresenting their group in some way, than they do with people of different religions or groups with opposing ideas. You know why? Cognitive dissonance (this one's for my Dad)!

A lesson in intra-religion intolerance and cognitive dissonance:

Let's say person "A" feels they are part of a group and so feels defined (at least partially) by that group. Now let's say that persona is damaged when another member (person "B") of that group commits an act that is not in line with what person "A" understands to be what he and his group represent (say by discriminating against an outsider, person "C", in some way). So there is cognitive dissonance in person "A"; "A" doesn't think he is a mean person who would discriminate against the innocent "C" just because "C" is different, but he saw that someone in his group, someone who is part of of a defining portion of his identity, would. So, to relieve the resulting dissonance does person "A" change his understanding of himself and his group to include person "B"? No, of course not! Person "A" strives to separate himself and his group-related persona from person "B" through disapproval, or anger, or hate. If anything, person "A" is more enraged by person "B" than person "C" was. What's more, the reverse is the same because "B" thinks "A" is a bad group member for not standing up for the group and for being too soft on outsiders like "C". So, there you have it - intra-religion intolerance explained by cognitive dissonance.

Wait! What about person "C" you ask? Well that all depends. "B"'s actions probably caused "C" to develop some unseemly stereotypes about "A" and "B"'s group, especially if this was his first interaction with one of them. If "A" works hard enough to separate himself from "B" then maybe "C" will recognize them as separate groups (like protestants vs. evangelicals or something), or maybe "C"s initial experience will create a stereotype towards everyone identified as that broad group (like all Christians). So, it all depends.

All pancakes aside though, this is all a rambling spurred by the various angry rants of my friends here and here. Like I said, I think much of the various religion or ideology controversies can be chalked up to lack of understanding. Just like religion vs. science and science vs. science and culture vs. culture controversies. So to remedy a small fragment of this and for a final kick at the religious can I have decided to pit various religions/anti-religions against eachother in an all out battle royale! BwaHaHaHaHa!

Round 1: Scientology vs. Operation Clambake
Notes: a simple and very specific religion vs. anti-that religion pairing. Of course I think Scientology guys are freaks but those Clambake people are pretty angry.

Round 2: Fundamentalist Christians vs themselves
Notes: There's no better adversary for fundamentalist anything than themselves.

Round 3: Roman Catholics vs. Evil Bible
Notes: Swears you can say because they are in the Bible: hell, damn, ass, whore, etc.

Round 4 (Half-time exhibition match): Buddhism vs. ummm I dunno this is a tough one...something old, monotheistic, and zany...how about Zoroastrianism
Notes: Neither of them showed up because the Buddhists were too busy being peaceful and trying to find enlightenment and the Zoroastrians believe you must be born to the religion and so they tend not to recruit. Oh well. Instead of our half-time exhibition match we bring you a cat trying to take down a deer:




Round 5: Any non-Evangelical religion...how about Hinduism or Jaimism or...NO! I know! The Mormons (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) vs. the Christian Countercult movement (aka Discernment ministries)
Notes: Check out the irony of using a religious tolerance website to explain about a religious movement based on intolerance of other religions (I love irony). Now something like the Christian Countercult movement is basically against almost everything so that one is a bit of a cop-out, I could've used it for anything. But Mormonism is one of the major no-no's according to discernment so it's a good match.

Round 6: Religion vs. Science/Non-religion - CANCELLED
Notes: I'm not going to pit science against religion because science is not religion and vice versa, ergo they shouldn't be compared in this context. That's that. I suppose in lieu I could do something like compare religions with a non-religion religion like Atheism (yes, what's known as "strong Atheism" or the belief in no god(s), is a belief system too because, while there is no way to prove there is a God/god(s), there is no way to prove that there isn't a God/god(s) either) but, I could've compared this to anything too, which was too easy, easier than countercult even, so I won't bother. I suppose we could also go with Satanism against any of the Christian-y religious factions, although apparently only one branch of Satanism is actually defined as the "Anti-Christian". Interestingly, for Satanism I used the Wikipedia article for the link because it had an illuminating yet brief description (I did not find this for most other religions on there, which tended to be long-winded and baffling). But I digress.

And the winner is...[drumroll]... the Christian fundamentalists who defeated the Christian fundamentalists with a clear KO. Wow! What an upset!

p.s. Obviously any literature promoting a religion (or defaming one for that matter) will be biased and must be taken with a grain of salt. However, I like these two websites for "unbiased" info on basically everything:
Religious tolerance
Religion Facts

Best Prank Ever

This is from an improv group called "Improv Everywhere" whose motto is "we cause scenes". What an awesome sociological experiment! A group of over 200 people froze in place in Grand Central Station for 5 minutes. See the back story here.



This was so popular that other groups have been staging their own copycat stunts in multiple countries around the world. Here is one from London:

Super Cow!

Ah nature! It's is so beautiful and mysterious! I like my evolution medium-rare please.
Meet the Super Cow


Even National Geographic has a MySpace page! There is a sweet video on there of an octopus eating a shark! And there's one about how Neanderthals may have made glue (the actors remind me of Klingons).

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Sunshine Village ski resort in Banff. Sweet!
Update: Perfect weather, perfect snow. I'd go back in a heartbeat!

Gorgeous tiny chicken machine show

I thought I'd take a page from Jeremy's book and show a hilarious Japan inspired internet comedy talk show parody thing. It has been described as "a cross between David Letterman, Pee-Wee Herman, Steve Irwin, Emeril, and a Japanese schoolgirl on meth." No kidding! Plus it's about chickens...kind of. The difference here is that they are doing it on purpose as opposed to being a serious thing that ends up being hilarious because of wacky exuberance combined with cultural and linguistic differences. I'm not sure which is funnier. I wonder which is more politically incorrect? In this you're laughing with them not at them, but they are laughing at someone so we are laughing at someone by association. Hmmm, I guess it's like anything. It's easier to laugh at jokes about things that are serious but intrinsically funny for whatever reason than actually laughing at the thing itself because the original usually has other emotions and meanings wrapped up with it. Adding a layer in between softens the blow. Like political comedy or social satirists for example. This hour has 22 minutes or The Daily Show make fun of some social, religious, or political folly which, though hilarious and ironic, is often also tragic or upsetting or a chilling vision of human ineptitude placed in power and run amok. It's funny because it is supposed to be funny, not funny because if we didn't laugh we'd cry (although I do love irony). Or take people getting hurt. You may think it is funny when you see someone get hurt but there is little bit of you that remembers, "oh wait that guy got hurt! I hope those burns don't prevent him from having children! I hope his family will be able to support itself while he's in recovery! I hope that dog doesn't have to be put down!" and so on. But, what if I told you about the moron who got bit in the crotch by a pack of toy poodles because he accidentally spilled hot bacon grease down his pants? Hilarious! And it is far enough removed from the actual people that it's OK to laugh at their pain. Well anyway, enough of my musings.

Watch the first episode:


p.s. There is an official website of the GTCM show but the myspace page is funnier and has all the shows on it (I think the second episode is actually funnier than this one). It's by a comedy group called Mediocre Films which has quite a few hilarious shorts. Also it's linked to a movement called Group 101, which is apparently the largest short film content generator in the world. Go figure.
p.p.s. Rick Pope aka. Lick Poop also has a myspace page and so does the Unicow.

Monster Truck Week Part 5: Monster Truck Freestyle

Everyone secretly hopes there will be some crazy accident but it never happens and when it does it's never caught on tape. But this time it did and it was! Ha!

How do they get the truck back upright you ask? Here's how:

Also, Jurassic Attack blew a tire! Oh, and there was some other less tragic stuff that happened too.

This wasn't the last event of the show. The demolition derby was after this but the video is too big. It was fun, it's important to end an event like this with a destructive free-for-all. Gives the audience a sense of closure. Anyway, thus ends Monster Truck Week. I know it was only 5 days but I don't get my Tim Hortons on weekends either (so nobody wins I guess).

Monster Truck Week Part 4: Extreme Lawnmower Racing

Apparently there has been organized lawn mower racing in the U.S. and in England for more than 30 years, with the annual Fourth of July Race in Twelve Mile, Indiana and 12 hour lawn mower race in Wisborough Green, England the oldest known events. Who knew? The first rule of lawnmower racing is take off the blades (no not "you don't talk about lawnmower racing"). Events are open to all self-propelled rotary or reel style riding lawn mowers. The mower must originally have been designed and sold commercially to mow lawns and it must remain suitable for lawn cutting (apart from the removal of the blades). After that, the degree of modification of the lawnmower decides what racing class you are in. I'm pretty sure this was an anything goes kind of race but apparently there are 4 different classes of lawnmower race:

Stock Class - As delivered from the factory.
IMOW Class - (Int'l Mowers Of Weeds) Front engine, highly regulated.
Prepared Class - Prepared (modified) drive train, engine, etc.
FX Class - (Factory Experimental) Major modifications allowed.

It seems that lawnmower racers never race for money either, just trophies, bragging rights, etc. You might be inclined to chalk this all up in the "guys are stupid" category, but it just looks like so much fun that I can see why they do it. It's just like go-carts but sillier.
p.s. I remember being allowed to mow the lawn on the riding mower when I was little and how much fun that was. Good times. Why not turn it into a race?

Monster Truck Week Part 3: Motocross

There were races and freestyle jumping. There were 2 races of 8 and then one of 10 or 12 (I don't remember) to determine the ultimate winner. The last one was pretty crowded so it was the most exciting. The 1st place guy was the pretty clear victor, he even fell down and was able to get up and still win. The other places were a little closer, I was routing for the 14 year old kid but he didn't do very well. I have a video of a part of the race but it won't load. I'll keep trying but you may have to be contented with the freestyle jumping, which was pretty spectacular. The one guy was even sick and he still did his thing. In this part the announcer was particularly entertaining, he kept saying "No man! No! You can't do that! You're crazy!" and so forth. Good times. It kinda reminds me of the Saturday Night Live skits of "The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, Show".

Monster Truck Week Part 2: Tough Truck Races

The second clip for Monster truck week on Chickens! is from the tough truck races. There were a bunch of trucks and they raced around the track one at a time and the fastest time won. The clip doesn't show the winning truck but I think he came in second. You get the picture anyway.

Monster Truck Week Part 1: Monster Truck Drag Racing

On Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Get ready for Mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem! It's Monster truck week on Chickens! We'll start off with Monster Truck Drag Racing! Woo Hoo! There were three series of races that went on throughout the show. There is a clip from each series, the last one being the final race to determine the winner. There are other trucks (Big Cactus Crusher and The General Lee) but they weren't as good. Apparently the winner was a bit of an upset. You go girl!

Maniac vs. Bear Foot


Bear Foot vs. Jurassic Attack


Maniac vs. Jurassic Attack

Here is a picture of a spirochete

"This is my angry face!" ______________"I found an arrowhead"
If you listen to both of the clips below you'll get classics like "I'm a brick" and "I ated the purple berries" as well as "Here is a picture of a spirochete", "When I grow up I'm going to bovine University", "Me fail English? That's unpossible.", and "I'm learn-ding". Good times, but the second one doesn't have video.

Auto Trader Motorsports Spectacular!

You pay for the whole seat...but you'll only need the edge! Not just a stereotypical nonsense saying typically associated with car-themed destructive events or various other wholesome activities involving beer and idiots hurting themselves for no reason other than the adrenalin rush, it is also the title of the second album from "Animal Alpha" a genre defying Norwegian metal/rock band. Ah Google, where would my blog be without you? I can't say I like them very much but from what I understand they take some getting used to. Anyway, notes on the event in question to follow later.

Bear and Kitten

Huh. I gotta eat more bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S).p.s. this is from a comic called Bear and Kitten. It's about a bear and a kitten. Funny stuff.

Whew! We got ourselves a bloodbath!

Ahh! She sounds like a robot ! And this song sucks! I'm freaking out!



The point of the above was that some of you may remember that song from this SNL digital short (you have to suffer through about 3 minutes of autotuned fun before you get to the recognizable bit though):



Update: Jason DeRulo released his debut single, "Whatcha Say," which samples the recognizable bit of the song too.

Chickens Concert Series #12: Thrice

I love Thrice and I've never been to the Odeon before so it was a pretty sweet concert. We sat on the second floor so we had a great view. I missed the first opener, Attack In Black, so I won't say anything about them. Say Anything was emo but they were easy enough to tune out so that wasn't too bad. Some people were disheartened to see that the lead singer was wearing a Metallica T-shirt. Certain individuals seemed to feel that the underlying themes for which Metallica stands were not adequately represented by Say Anything's musical genre of choice or their specific attempts at self-expression within said genre. However, I'm not one to fly off the handle about little details. Oh...wait...yes I am...meh, whatever, at least no one was giving them the metal horns. Also, they had some neat T-Shirts.

Anyway, Thrice was the thing so we'll focus on that. Thrice is a punk (some have described it as punk-metal fusion which I can see because they have some pretty hard driving stuff, but they've also been described as experimental punk which I can also see especially with their newest album) band featuring Dustin Kensrue (vocals/guitar - also solo artist),Teppei Teranishi (guitar/keyboards/vocals), Eddie Breckenridge (bass/keyboard/vocals) and Riley Breckenridge (drums). They formed in 1998 while they were still in high school. I like them because each of their albums is different (in a good way) and they don't fall into the punk stereotype of just playing fast and loud (metal bands have that stereotype too except they are louder and angrier). Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just doesn't put you in the front of the pack musically. Anyway, to top it off Dustin Kensrue excels as a lyricist. While I like Thrice's stuff better than Dustin's solo stuff I thought I would throw that out there for some of my more loyal readers you think gold bricks come out whenever he sits down.

Interesting sidebar: Thrice is into charity work and often gives significant portions of concert proceeds to charity.

Anywho their new album, "The Alchemy Index" shows why they have been occasionally described as "experimental rock". It is a 2 disk themed set, one called "Fire" and one called "water". They are taking their music to strange new places with this one, especially the "Water" disk. At first I was scared and angry but, after listening to it, I've grown to like it and appreciate that they are exploring their personal space as musicians. I just hope they don't go too far. Remember, a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's hat is not a legitimate beverage selection in real life.The second themed 2-disk set in this series will come out later this year. This is typical of how prolific they are as they've turned out an album for every year since '99. Though after they made Artist in the Ambulance they skipped 2004 and put out 2 albums in 2005, "If We Could Only See Us Now" and "Vheissu" (FYI . Vheissu, comes from the debut 1963 Thomas Pynchon novel "V." Dustin Kensrue read it, introduced the others to it and they eventually decided to make it the theme of the album).

The downer of the concert was that D couldn't be there to share it with us (she was off edumacatin' some country rubes). Here is a video that some people may or may not have taken with their camera for you while we were there.

St. Valentine

So I guess you want to know about St. Valentine too, huh? Fine.

Saint Valentine, patron saint of affianced couples, bee keepers, engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, plague, travellers, young people, etc., etc. He is represented in pictures with birds and roses. He was martyred in 269 (-ish).

The origin of St. Valentine (and how many St. Valentines there were is sketchy). Some say he was a Roman who was martyred for refusing to renounce Christianity. Others swear that he was a temple priest jailed for defiance during the reign of Claudius.

The first representation of Saint Valentine appeared in a The Nuremberg Chronicle, printed in 1493. It says he was arrested and imprisoned by Claudius II because he was caught marrying Christian couples and aiding said couples when they were inevitably persecuted. A possible rider to the religious persecution was that because of all the warring going on at the time, Claudius needed soldiers and he didn't want any of his potential soldiers refusing to go to war because they wanted to stay home with their wives/families so he announced all marriages to be unlawful. Anyway, some say that the funny thing is Claudius supposedly took a liking to Valentine while he was in jail and may have even let him go...until Valentine tried to convert him. He was subsequently clubbed, stoned , and beheaded. One legend says that, while awaiting his execution, Valentine restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter and, on the eve of his death, he penned a farewell note to her, signing it, "From your Valentine."

Regardless, in 496 AD, Pope Gelasius marked February 14th as a celebration in honor of his martyrdom. Whether this was actually his death day or not, this day happens to coincide with the Roman Spring festival, the Lupercalia, held in honour of the gods Pan (god of fertility, trickster figure, origin of the word panic) and Juno (protectress of women, goddess of marriage and childbirth). One of the most important festivals in the Roman calendar, which was exported to Britain (one of many). At the Lupercalia, Roman boys and girls drew names out of a box to find out who would be their partner for the festival.

The early Christian church was unable to prevent people from celebrating this pagan festival, so they linked it with the name of St. Valentine, who became the Patron Saint of lovers, etc. Ta Da!

Fun Facts:

The custom of sending Valentines is hundreds of years old. The earliest known Valentine was sent in Norfolk in 1477, in the form of a letter from Margery Brews to John Paston, whom she described as ‘my right well beloved Valentine’. Printed Valentines began to appear in the late eighteenth century, before this they were usually lacy, hand painted (and expensive) affairs. By the 1830s Valentines were sent in such great numbers that postmen were given a special allowance for "refreshments" to help them through the week.

I read that "archaeologists" have found a Roman catacomb dedicated to St. Valentine which "proves" his existence. Didn't find any non-Catholic reference to it though.

In the Middle Ages, when men drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be they would wear these names on their sleeves for one week i.e. they would "wear their heart on their sleeve". Yay origins of sayings!

Not Saint Valentine

There were quite a few Saint Valentines back in the day. Let's take a brief look at some of the lesser known ones first.

There is the St. Valentine whose feast day is May 2. He was a bishop of Genoa, Italy, from about 295. He aided monastic expansion in his era and died in 307. His relics were discovered in 985. How romantic!

Or how about the St. Valentine whose feast day is July 16. He was bishop of Trier, Germany and was martyred in 305 when he was executed during the persecutions of Emperor Diocletian.

Valentine was also a pope of Rome for about 40 days in 827, and little is known about his life.

Then there is the St. Valentine (feast day December 16) who was martyred with a bunch of other saintly types in 305 at Ravenna, Italy. Apparently there is some question as to how many and who actually died at this time and place. The fact that there are so many Valentines at this time makes it easy to mix them up I suppose.

But that's not all! There is the St. Valentine of feast day September 2 fame. The 4th bishop of Strassburg, France he died in the 4th century after leading a relatively forward thinking diocese.

Let's see now...St. Valentine feast day January 7, died in Austria in 470 after being an abbot and missionary bishop in Northern Italy for a while. St. Valentine and Dubatatius, feast day November 17, executed for their faith at Carthage. St. Valentine & Hilary, feast day November 3. Beheaded in 304 at Viterbo, Italy, during the persecutions under Emperor Diocletian (Valentine was a priest and Hilary his deacon).

And that doesn't even take into account all of the Sanints with names like Valens, Valentino, Valentina, Valentin, and Valentinian. Crazy.

St.Valentine (the famous one) shares today's feast day with several saints. My favorites are St.Auxentius (died in 473) because he was a member of the personal military entourage of Emperor Theodosius II in Constantinople. Then he retired and became a hermit until he was accused of heresy. He got better and then he went to live on a mountain (Mount Skopa), near Chalcedon. Among other things he formed a congregation of women while he was up there. Also, St. Antoninus of Sorrento who died in 830 was a Benedictine abbot and patron of Sorrento, Italy. He also became a hermit on a mountain (Monte Angelo) and was hailed as a man of holiness by the unwashed local types. While he was up there St. Michael (the Archangel) visited him on the mountain. After he died he repelled an attack by the Saracens on Sorrento by a miracle. Let's see St.Valentine do that! Ha!

It's funny when things that parody other things are parodied

It's like life imitating art imitating life (Ooooo...deep!). Plus it's got Star Wars so everybody wins! Nice.

Post Production Note: This post originally came about because I wanted to put up a clip from a Family Guy episode (Season 6, Episode 5, "Peter's Daughter") that spoofs the movie "Step Up". But I couldn't find the clip but trust me it's funny. Especially if your sister had recently made you watch Step Up for her birthday. Those movies are all the same! Bah! Anyway, the above clip happened to come up while I was searching YouTube. The following is how the Family Guy bit goes, I know it loses something but just imagine me describing it and laughing and it will be funnier.

Lois: Well I think you've been wonderful like when you took her to that new movie "I'm Rich You're Poor But Let's Dance Together"
{Cut to theater}
Girl: I'm rich and you're poor but let's dance together.
Man: Society won't like it.
Girl: I don't care.

Chickens Concert Series #11: Collective Soul

Public Apology:

Sometimes in the mad pursuit of living "life", we forget about what's really important...all the procrastinators out there who rabidly check and recheck blogs in the mad hope that someone (namely me) has put some random jibber-jabber on the internet. I will now acquiesce to popular demand with another highly anticipated installment of the Chickens Concert Series.

Chickens Concert Series #11: Collective Soul

So, time for an excursion into the world of 90's mainstream alterna-rock. Collective Soul as a group has definitely looked better. But they did their thing and it was exactly what I expected. Good nostalgia value.

"Wait! Collective Soul hasn't done anything since 1995 so why the heck are they on tour and why the heck would you go see them?" you ask? I told you! Nostalgia value! Also it turns out they have been putting out albums every couple of years since they started. Don't believe me? Well, I guess some background info is in order. Collective Soul is brothers Ed Roland (Vocals/Guitars/Keyboards) and Dean Roland (Guitar), Joel Kosche (Guitar), Will Turpin (Bass/Percussion) and Ryan Hoyle (Drums/Percussion). Note: Not the original lineup. They formed in Georgia in 1994. They got their name from reading Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" (ironic considering how mainstream they are). Anywho, their debut album "Hints, Allegations, and Things Left Unsaid" went double platinum and their second album (self-titled, released the next year) went triple platinum. But, as with so many bands, their crooked manager stole all their money, royalties, and publishing rights (while they were touring in 1995 they only got a $150 a week pittance for food).They broke it off with him and in 1997 they released their third album, "Disciplined Breakdown". This was after 2 years of courtroom battles, canceled concert dates, and self-imposed seclusion in a Georgia cow pasture. In 1999 they released "Dosage" and "Blender" in 2000. If you listen to the radio at all you probably would have heard some of their songs but it is possible you didn't know it was them. It happens. It happened to me. Then there was a 13 song greatest hits album 7even Year Itch: Greatest Hits 1994-2001. I agree with Kris, it's pretty lame if you can't think up a greatest hits album with more than 15 songs on it. Especially since 2 of the songs were new. But I digress. Next we have "Youth", an independent album in 2004 and in 2005, and acoustic album called "From the Ground Up". Then a DVD or something stupid. And finally their 2007 release, "Afterwords". It's OK, but not great. So I guess it just goes to show that just because I haven't been paying attention to something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Let that be a lesson to me.

The opener was a band called Jonas (not biblical, it's the lead singer's name). Jonas released his self-titled debut album in 2004 in Quebec (his home province). He became popular there through excessive radio play, concerts and magazine appearances and later received Juno nominations for Best New Artist and Best Rock Album. His second album, Suite Life, came out in 2006 was nominated for Anglophone Album of the Year (his second nomination for that). His new CD release in 2007 called "Promised Land" (part of why I thought it might have been a biblical thing but it isn't) is presumably why he is touring right now. Anyway, he was pretty good. Standard rock stuff. He signed my CD and even spelled my name right. Oh! Also I got to see him sign some women's boobs. Another concert first for me! Good times watchin' hoes.



Cameras were allowed at the concert so of course there are lots of videos. But not good quality videos. What an age we live in.

Hope Is Was

A new and awesome contribution from the makers of Updog & Indy, it's HopeIsWas music. Sharing his talents with the world at large. Kudos! It takes guts to put something you care about, that tells something about you, out there. Outside interests are good!

Letters to Superbowl Commercials

There were a lot of commercials on TV yesterday (also there may have been some sort of sports event?). No, I like football, I do, but I have trouble getting into sports events that I can't find some sort of patriotism or personal link to. I like the CFL and University football and I route for Canadian hockey teams (yes even Toronto if it's a choice between them and an American team). Anyway, I like watching the funny Superbowl commercials and this year there were quite a few good ones. There are also a bunch of just normal or crappy ones that I'm not going to bother with. Besides the normal ones there were a bunch of new movie trailers for Drillbit Taylor, Wanted, Ironman, Chronicles of Narnia, Leatherheads, Jumper, Wall-E, You Don't Mess With the Zohan, and Semi-Pro (I hadn't heard of Semi-Pro yet, another Will Ferrell character movie). All of this years Superbowl commercials are on the Spike website here (the ones that look boring and normal are boring and normal so don't even bother with them or you'll be watching commercials for like an hour.

Letters to Superbowl commercials:

To Budweiser,
You had the most different commercials of anyone (6) and they were mostly funny. The Bud Light series where it gives you super powers is pretty clever. Plus the mash up with Will Ferrell is funny. I'm still not gonna drink your beer though.

To Dell,
Who walks around with their laptop like that?! No one! Bah!

To Audi,
Good work on being mildly amusing with your Godfather spoof (though it's been done). All the other car commercials sucked except for Toyota.

To Toyota,
Badgers!

To Bridgestone,
Two good ones. Screaming animals. Screaming Richard Simmons. Random Alice Cooper. It all works.

To Sunsilk,
Congratulations on being the only female targeted commercial (the Victoria's Secret one was, but only indirectly in a manipulative way). Too bad you weren't good.

To Doritos,
Wow! You shelled out for a 1 minute long music spot (little CP would totally like the song) and a second commercial that was pretty funny (in which a guy is attacked by a giant mouse for his nacho cheese). Kudos to you.

To Kim,
Gatorade has Paton Manning at the end of their commercial.

To GoDaddy.com,
An advertisement for a rejected advertisement. How avant garde. I like how you dis the TV stations with your "wardrobe malfunction" reference.

To FedEx,
A chilling vision of genetic engineering gone awry. Way to make social commentary

To E-Trade,
I see what you're trying to do there and it didn't work. The kid was creepy and the spit-up was unnecessary.

To Cars.com,
Nice! My favorite is the Glondor one but the other one with the same premise but with a head shrinking witch doctor is also funny. It's good when a gimmick comes together.

To CareerBuilder.com,
I especially like the heart one (Ewww!). You always have sweet SB commercials. I remember the "Office Jungle" ones from last year. They made me giggle.

To Coke,
Meh. Pepsi had better ones. However the ad with James Carville (democrat) and Bill Frist (republican) was surprisingly relevant and you get props for that. Also, it reminds me of the recurring scene in Simpsons Halloween episodes where Mr.Burns owes Smithers a Coke. The Shaq vitamin-water commercial was pretty silly.

To Shaq,
You giant clown. I laugh in spite of myself.

To Amp,
What the heck?!

To American Idol,
I hate you and the reality TV shit storm that you started. But, your commercial was funny and you don't take yourself too seriously so I guess you're not that bad.

To Carmen Electra,
How dare you peddle my favorite gum! I hope this means they aren't going to take Icebreakers off the market because it looks like drugs. They remind me of Homer's square watermelons.

To Pepsi,
You had the best commercials for sure and the second highest number of different ones (4)! Thriller salamanders reminds me of Geico. Oh well, still very funny. I liked when the grasshopper got randomly eaten. The commercial with Justin Timberlake was just damn funny! You know what? I'm actually going to post that one because it was my favorite (and it's inclusive too because it's good for both Justin lovers and haters).

Pepsi Stuff: Justin Timberlake - Pepsi-Cola

Chickens Cultural Moment III: Carmen

The ballet adaptation of one of the most popular operas ever. Definitely different than the opera and notably lacking because the musical score did not feature those classic tunes that everyone knows from classic cartoons (see below), but having a live orchestra makes up for it and it was still very good. Here are the stats.

You know it's quite the sordid tale. At first you think Carmen is a manipulative hussy but then you realize that Don Jose is a stupid jerk. The story is set in Seville, Spain, circa 1830. Carmen is a gypsy who has a tryst with a corporal (Don Jose). She gets in trouble with the law and seduces Don Jose and ties him up while he is sleeping and escapes prison. Don Jose gets dishonourably discharged when he is discovered. Mayhem ensues as we find out that Don Jose totally had a girlfriend, then he turns to a life of crime after he kills his superior officer (who deserved it because he was trying to rape Carmen at the time). Carmen sets him up with some gypsy friends after that but doesn't what to go with him because she has fallen in love with Escamillo (the hot toreador). Anyway, Don Jose repeatedly tries to get Carmen to run away with him but she won't and then he kills her in a jealous rage when he sees her with Escamillo. That Don Jose, he was the orchestrator of his own downfall. Just let it go dude! What the heck?!

Anyway on the topic of cartoons and opera, Tom and Jerry did a cartoon with the Carmen opera score (Itchy's a jerk!):



And here is that Bugs Bunny and Elmer classic featuring snippets from Wagner's operas (of course Bugs did some other opera themed cartoons like Rabbit of Seville and Long-Haired Hare which also hold a special place in my heart).



And finally, in all fairness to opposing musical genres, METAL!

Title: Kill the Wabbit!
Artist: Ozzy Fudd (Mark McCollum)
Album: Dr. Demento's 30th Anniversary Collection

Dads

Besides being an amusing movie with Bill Murray as well as my Dad's birthday, Groundhog Day happens to be an actual day steeped in tradition. It is associated with this Scottish poem :

If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Winter will not come again.

Ergo, sunny=shadows=more winter and cloudy=no shadows=no more winter (kind of like "April showers bring May flowers" sort of wishful thinking I guess). "Candlemas" being the day half way between the first day of winter and the first day of spring (one of the four cross quarters of the year) and commemorates the ritual purification of Mary, 40 days after the birth of Jesus. Oh those wacky Christians and their appropriation of pagan feast days. Of course, weather-wise this really only works if you live in a place in which actual winter weather is halfway done in February. I'm not bitter.

Anyway, this is linked to the belief that hibernating creatures can predict the coming of spring. The original German immigrants who brought the tradition to America in the 18th century weren't about the groundhog though. Europeans would have kept their eyes on badgers, bears, hedgehogs, or the like (anything that hibernates). The idea being that the emergence of hibernating animals signals the arrival of spring. Duh!

So we mash those two ideas together a hit frape on the blender of old European folk wisdom and the omnipresent human desire to control/predict the uncontrollable/unpredictable and voila! Groundhog Day!

Oh wait! But why groundhogs? Well, I don't know ummm...maybe a groundhog saved the president from being eaten by rabid hedgehogs. I think it's because they are small enough that they can be easily handled (not like badgers or bears) and they are solitary and relatively sluggish and they are big enough that they are easy to see in a small crowd.

True stories of groundhogs:

One time when I was excavating I ended up isolating a big groundhog in a unit and when I realized he was in there I shovel shaved around him until he was hunkered in a 25x25cm chunk of dirt. His butt was hanging out but he didn't seem to care too much until I scooped the dirt that was covering him off. Then he made a kind of annoyed grunt and got up and waddled across the excavation straight to a burrow on the other side and went in. Hilarious! Man I wish I had had a camera!

Funfacts to learn and know:

The groundhog (a.k.a. woodchuck, a.k.a "whistle pig"), Marmota monax, is in the family Sciuridae which includes squirrels, chipmunks, marmots, and prairie dogs. It lives in most of Canada and the eastern United States except for Florida (Florida! That's America's wang!). Adult proportions range from 415 to 675 mm long and roughly 3 to 4 kg.





p.s. Here is a recipe for fried woodchuck. Mmmmm woodchuck.




p.p.s. Hey wait this post is supposed to be "Groundhogs" and the other post is supposed to be "Dads". Dang it!

Groundhogs

Happy Birthday Dad! Sorry about the typo in the birthday image just take out the 'a' right? Plus there is an 'r' in there somewhere. Anyway, it was either this or the "Bakers do it for the dough" image (ha ha...D'Oh!). It happens to be my uncle's birthday too but I don't think he looks at my blog. Well happy birthday to him too anyway!

Bienvenido a Mundo Simpson!

Conjeturo bien que es hora para un poste español de Simpsons (porque prometí a mi Mamá). Aquí está un website español de Simpsons. ¡Y ahora Simpsons video en español! Está del episodio donde Bart emancipates y entonces encuentra a Tony Hawk. La diversión sobreviene.



También encontré este clip de Futurama y del mí pensó que las voces eran divertidas

Alpine Responsibility Code

Everyone loves safety! Hurray!

We've even got our own secret handshake but...

Hey, I finally remembered where that joke was from. It is from here. This guy draws pictures from one-liners that people send him. I'd forgotten and then, after a fiasco of trying to explain this joke to multiple people with little to no success (not sure why), I randomly figured out where I got it from. I also thought this one was really funny:


No one understands me...

The Amazing Screw On Head

The Amazing Screw On Head was a comic book done by Mike Mignola who some dorks out there may know as the creator of Hellboy. There was only one issue published by Dark Horse Comics in 2002. The comic followed a robot head with interchangeable bodies who works for Abraham Lincoln fighting the evil Emperor Zombie. An animated version of the comic was made and screened online by the Sci-Fi Channel in 2006 (Bryan Fuller exec-produced). Among other things it includes Paul Giamatti as the Amazing Screw On Head, David Hyde Pierce as Emperor Zombie and Molly Shannon as Patience, his vampire lover (zombies AND vampires - nice). Zany zombie-related animated comedy. Good stuff. Bet you didn't know that that's how the Homestead Act came about did you. Ha!

p.s. This artist that was indirectly linked to Dr.McNinja did a drawing of Emperor Zombie and posted it on her blog here; she used to have a series of pictures on there that I really liked featuring a devil character but they aren't on the interweb anymore (although I think one of them is under the art tab here).

Big Think

What a neat site! It's like youTube would be if only experts and smart people posted thoughts about ideas and big questions as opposed to morons posting stupid stuff (although I like the Simpsons clips). Stephen Colbert had the creator of the website on his show so I checked it out.
I've been a pretty hurtin' unit these last couple of days because I have this:
















or possibly this:



lousy pestilence.

Hey! I'm from there!

Turns out you are a relatively popular song title...

So here they are (just because you asked). Curiously, they are all about some girl named Denise. She was a bit of a hoe to be playing around with all these guys. She was active in the 60's and then she got back on the horse almost 40 years later. I guess she finally got over Bob Dylan. Or maybe she's a vampire?


Alternatively, it seems the name "Denise" enjoyed a period of extreme popularity for a period in the late 40's to the early 60's in the states and became more popular in Canada for awhile more recently. Maybe that explains it? Nah, I'm sticking with vampire.

Anywho, I was able to scrounge up most of the songs from YouTube. Enjoy!

Randy and the Rainbows – Denise – 1963

Bob Dylan – Another Side of Bob Dylan – Denise – 1964

Uh Oh! Unfortunately I couldn't find a video of the Bob Dylan song so here is a Weird Al parody of Bob Dylan done entirely in palindromes. Good times.

Weird Al - Poodle Hat - Bob - 2003



Fountains of Wayne – Utopia Parkway – Denise – 1999



Ace Troubleshooter – Ace Troubleshooter – Denise – 2000



Ozma – Spending Time on the Borderline – Denise – 2004

Happy Birthday D!

You share a birthday with such actors as: Orlando Bloom, Patrick Dempsey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and umm, Richard Moll (remember him? He was in Night Court). Those are the ones I know, and maybe that guy from Match Game? Also, such famous persons as Emily Carr, Michael Bond, Antonio Porchia, Joseph Howe, Carl Ludwig Cornelius Westenholzan, Charles Perrault, Johann Christoph Graupner, and even Antoinette Bourignon (she was a Flemish mystic/French religious fanatic). Among others but those are the ones that I thought were neat. On a sadder note this is the death day for such notable people as Vine Deloria, Jr., James Joyce, Wyatt Earp, Camille Pissarro, George Fox, and Aethelwolf (King of Wessex).

Other important things on this day in history:

January 13, 1979 YMCA files libel suit against Village People's YMCA song

January 13, 1978 NASA selects its first U.S. women astronauts

January 13, 1976 Sarah Caldwell is 1st woman to conduct at New York's Metropolitan Opera House as she led orchestra in a performance of "La Traviata"

January 13, 1972 Former umpire, now housewife Bernice Gera wins her suit against baseball to be allowed to umpire

January 13, 1969 Beatles release "Yellow Submarine" album
January 13, 1968 Beginning of Tet-offensive in Vietnam

January 13, 1967 Rolling Stones appear on Ed Sullivan Show

January 13, 1966 U.S. performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site

January 13, 1966 Ottawa starts skills program for unemployed; announced at federal-provincial conference on manpower training

January 13, 1965 Avalanche kills 7 people at Ocean Falls, BC.

January 13, 1962 Wilt Chamberlain of Warriors scores then NBA-record 73 pts vs Chicago

January 13, 1961 The third federal-provincial conference on the Constitution of Canada reaches a general agreement on the need to amend the BNA Act
January 13, 1959 De Gaulle grants amnesty to 130 to Algerian death row convicts

January 13, 1958 9,000 scientists of 43 nations petition United Nations for nuclear test ban

January 13, 1957 Wham-O Company produces the 1st Frisbee

January 13, 1953 Gas explosion in Belgium coal mine kills 14

January 13, 1949 Prince Edward Island bans sale and manufacture of margarine, to protect dairy industry. January 13, 1948 1st country music TV show, Midwestern Hayride, premieres on WLW Cin

January 13, 1945 The Soviet 'Red' army occupies the Hungarian city of Budapest

January 13, 1943 British premier Winston Churchill arrives in Casablanca

January 13, 1943 Hitler declares "Total War"

January 13, 1943 Russian offensive at Don under general Golikov

January 13, 1943 US infantry captures Galloping Horse-ridge Guadalcanal

January 13, 1943 First use of an airplane ejection seat
January 13, 1943 Royal Canadian Navy Corvette Ville de Québec sinks a U-boat in the Mediterranean; RCN's first U-boat kill.

January 13, 1942 Allied Conference for war trials

January 13, 1942 German U-boats begin harassing shipping on U.S. east coast

January 13, 1942 Henry Ford patents a method of constructing plastic auto bodies

January 13, 1930 "Mickey Mouse" comic strip 1st appears

January 13, 1915 Earthquake in Avezzano, Italy kills 29,800

January 13, 1908 Rhodes Opera House burns in Boyertown Pa, killing 170

January 13, 1908 French pilot Henry Farman is 1st European to fly a complete circuit roundtrip of 1km January 13, 1908 Montreal Wanderers sweep Ottawa Victorias in 2 games for the Stanley Cup.

January 13, 1906 1st radio set advertised (Telimco for $7.50 in Scientific American) claimed to receive signals up to one mile January 13, 1894 Revolution in Sicily crushed by government troops

January 13, 1893 British Independent Labor Party forms (Keir Hardie as its leader)
January 13, 1888 National Geographic Society founded in Washington, D.C.

January 13, 1883 Fire in circus Ferroni in Berditschoft Poland kills 430

January 13, 1874 Battle between jobless and police in New York City, 100s injuried January 13, 1863 Thomas Crapper (hee hee) pioneers one-piece pedestal flushing toilet

January 13, 1854 Anthony Foss patents accordion

January 13, 1849 Hudson's Bay Company signs lease with the British government for monopoly of trade on Vancouver Island for ten more years for a fee of seven shillings per year

January 13, 1838 William Lyon Mackenzie evacuates Navy Island and goes to Buffalo, NY

January 13, 1837 Fire devastates business district of Saint John, New Brunswick.
January 13, 1830 Great fire in New Orleans thought to be set by rebel slaves

January 13, 1733 James Oglethorpe and 130 English colonists arrive at Charleston, SC

January 13, 1630 Patent to Plymouth Colony issued

January 13, 1621 Jan Pieterszoon Coen's fleet sets sail to Moluccas (from Jacarta)

January 13, 1610 Galileo Galilei discovers Callisto, 4th satellite of Jupiter

January 13, 1559 Elizabeth I crowned queen of England in Westminster Abbey

January 13, 1547 Earl Henry Howard of Surrey sentenced to death

January 13, 1099 Crusaders set fire to Mara Syria

January 13, 888 Duke Odo becomes king of West-France

PLUTO BANDITS KIDNAP PAIR

Meet the embodiment of blind fear mixed with unwavering faith for no reason other than I told you so:

Unfortunately, although I would like nothing more than to have a frank and open exchange of ideas about this book with anyone who has more than two brain cells to rub together, I cannot review this book or say anything about it in this format out of respect for Vonnegut. Just in case (since I have a tendancy to be sarcastically flippant - a known source of mind poison to the unwary).

Therefore go out and read the book.

Or don't.

And so on.

Otto's Gnarly Snowboarder's Glossary for When You Need To Comp A Boarder's Lingo

None of them have any bindings! What the heck!

p.s. If you click on the picture it gets bigger.

Stomp that pickle revert!

I named my snowboard Blinky! The snowboard and bindings are both from Millenium Three and my new boots are Exus Thirtytwo. The thing is I was going to write a thing about snowboards or a thing about how to snowboard, etc. but I realized that I could say a lot more by giving links to things that have already been written by people who know a lot more about it than I do. I know that's not necessarily the point but there ya go.

Here is a handy guide to some snowboard language ("Phat five forty!", "I'm getting agro on this kicker!", "Stomp that pickle revert!", and the ever popular "I gotta blast a dookie!" are not on there, strange).
Here is a list of snowboarding info, I especially like the one with the little animations for beginners.
Here is a handy guide on how to buy a snowboard.
Here is an explanation of the internal anatomy of a snowboard.

And now...Pingu!
p.s. I found a Swedish version of this with subtitles. From what I understand Pingu language is gibberish so I wonder did someone sit down and guess what they were saying or is there an actual script in Pingu language that can be translated like the claymation version of Klingon? I figured it was probably the former and it was probably dirty so then I found a non-subtitled version just in case. Please forgive my skepticism of European language dubbing.

Buon Vigilia di Natale!

Happy day of "fasting" everyone! Buon Vigilia di Natale (Christmas eve)! The day before any feast day there is a traditional day of abstinance from gluttony and Vigil Mass (note the connection to Vigilia de Natale). Nowadays this is really only for Christmas eve (which makes sense because every other day is a feast day in the Catholic calendar depending on which saints you like). The 1983 Code of Canon Law eliminated true fasting, but traditional Catholics still keep the fast in spirit by eating seafood, noodles, other forms of pasta, etc. for the Christmas Eve Supper (so no "meat"). Many Italian households always prepare a certain number of fish dishes (mostly a central/southern trdaition) . Seven is most common and this usually represents the seven sacraments (but may also represent the days in a week, the seven pilgrimage churches in Rome, the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, or just about any religious-y thingy that is a multiple of seven). We don't usually trouble with that many fishes though (baccala, shrimp, and pasta with fish sugo are the staples), I think we're doing good enough just observing the fish thing. Traditions are fun.

A note on goodies: Most Italian Christmas goodies like panettone (italian version of fruitcake) or torrone (nougat) are made with nuts (especially almonds) and honey. According to folklore, to eat nuts favors the fertility of the earth and aids in the increase of wealth and prosperty (i.e. more children and animals running around=good). The honey thing goes back to ancient Rome where it was offered at this time of year so that the new year might be sweet. Those wacky peasants and their tasty theories.